remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
