So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Less talking, more tequila
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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