i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
