I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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