I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
