WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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