Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
