the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just invented taco cereal.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
