I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
