i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
