ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
