She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
