So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
