i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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