Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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