dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
