yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
