Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize