I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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