It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
