he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
