wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
