so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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