Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
