My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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