I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
