Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize