New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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