I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
