if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
