hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
