a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
