the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
