Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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