a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
