Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
