They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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