it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize