It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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