I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Drunk is not a location!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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