Whod you bang
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
