This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
