I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
