I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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