...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize