I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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