I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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