o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
