I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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