Farmville is her only friend.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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