You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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