My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
