I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
