There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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