apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
