he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
