What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
