we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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