it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
