He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
