everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
