I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
