Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
