This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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