My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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