haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
