mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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