So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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