Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
