there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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