I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
