cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
