She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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