All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
