You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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