i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
