I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My balls are so social today.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
