I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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